President Clinton Jokes

Evidence continues to come from the strangest places in the Clinton sex scandal. Yesterday a Beatle’s fan played the President’s inaugural speech backwards and clearly heard: "I bury Paula."

We now know what happens when you tell the President of the United States about the birds and the bees: PaulaNation.

President Clinton still has it. He recently attended a Spice Girls concert and was so impressed with their performance that he gave all four women a standing ovulation.

Mike McCurry announced today that the President’s snoozing Labrador, "Buddy," would now be fielding all reporter’s questions about his sex scandals. McCurry said the White House lawyers think it best to let a sleeping dog lie.

From our Freudian typos file: The President’s business card:
William Jefferson Clinton, The White Hose

Clinton’s current press conference strategy: Always leave them asking for Gore.

The President has been really impressed by the growth of the men’s group "The Promise Keepers." In fact, he’s starting his own men’s group to extol his values with other like-minded men. He’s calling his group "The Promiscuous Kreepers."

After climbing Mount Everest, an American climber looked up the word "Clinton" in the Tibetan language. Ironically, the name means: "Him-a-Lay-ya."

Why Clinton never fooled around with generals' daughters in the 60s: Wham-Bam-Vietnam.

Sign above the Clinton hearth: "Home is where your Tart is"

Investigators just learned how peace was made with Iraq over the weapons inspection crisis. Saddam promised President Clinton not to use his weapons of mass destruction in exchange for Clinton giving Saddam his weapons of lass seduction.

Hillary knew that getting Bill that new dog Buddy was going to be a bad idea. Turns out the dog is a quick study. After a private training class with the president, Hillary caught Buddy leafing through a catalogue from Frederick's of Colliewood.

Clinton is trying to clean up his act but he just doesn’t get it. During a White House appearance today, reporters noticed the president was wearing a new belt buckle. The buckle read: "Must Be This Tall To Ride."

First Clinton on Mars: "Take me to your breeder."

Clinton: "I may have given her gifts, but I never unwrapped."

But Bill has always liked Al Gore. Why just the other day Al learned just how much of a friend the president really is. Al was cleaning up the supper dishes and discovered the president had left him a big Tipper.

New White House nickname for presidential protection: Victoria’s Secret Service.

Overheard at White House State dinner: "I'd like a zesty Italian with her French dressing on the side."

Hillary: "This global worming has to stop!"

The president's doctors say he's been depressed since leaving a speaking engagement at a sorority last week. But those sharp White House doctors immediately diagnosed the problem and quickly prescribed the cure. The president is now back to his usual self after using a special inhalant called Prime-a-Teen-Missed.

We were almost all in really big trouble yesterday. The president slept with an intern yesterday, his alarm clock malfunctioned and Hillary almost walked in on them. The pentagon said we were just moments away from alarmageddon.